Thanks people.

Church was rough today... I had a hard time not crying. W actually came to early service w/our son. Then she left to go to work? again... Left S there in church for 2nd service with neighbors (parents of the probable OM! no less). Yeesh that was tough.

My son is showing a little strain too. He asked where Mom has been lately. I told him this morning that we had to pray extra hard for Mom, that her brain was sick, like not flu sick, and that it might take a while to get well. Probably a mistake, but I wanted him to know a little about why his Mom is never around any more.

He told her this am that "Daddy says you have a brain fever". DOWP! Shouldv'e known better. I really love him and am trying to let him know this might be hard. That we need to be a team. I feel like he's getting the short end of this stick.

W's childhood was not so good, and she has had therapy about it a couple of times. Her father abandoned them (W, brother 5 and MIL) at about age 7 or 8. There was also some sexual abuse from an uncle, but I never did get all the details. I don't think it was full blown rape, but not sure.

I have always assured her that I would never leave her. Now this. Even the other night during R talk, I said I wouldn't. Her response was that she couldn't say the same.. That hurt.

This was before the likely A and the condoms and panties in the purse discovery. I'm SO Not so sure now. I have been dumped hard several times in my past, and it has taken it's toll on my trust abilities. I KNOW what getting dumped feels like, and it is HARD man. But this is SO different. I mean we're MARRIED w/ child, house, the whole enchilada!!!!! Wow, I NEVER thought I'd be here again. DAMN! damn.

I never in my wildest dreams (nightmares!) imagined that W would do something like this. Never. I was talking with my friend about some of her behavior (not this last thing tho) and he couldn't beleive it. "Not her, she's not like THAT!"

Well... thanks again. I almost can't believe how "well" I'm taking this. I might be in shock still. This BB makes it a little better by being able to "talk" about it. This BB is surely a godsend.

Well we (Me and S) are going to my band practice in an hr or so. Good escape for both, he gets to play video games and scooters w/ drummers son, and I get to Rock Out for a while!

See ya. Pray for us, God knows BEST that we really need it... This is one of those times when you get your faith shaken and hopefully you come out stronger.

But I tell you what, the tunnel is looking a bit dark for the moment. Thanks.