Quote: I think your H is in absolute denial if he thinks that not talking about what you need to know, is going to make everything alright. You will just end up resenting him...
I wish the C would've try to help him understand that. Amazingly enough we had a very frank talk the other night. He actually did talk about the A, some stuff I wanted to share:
HIM: why do you ask these questions? ME: I want to know where I went wrong w/you HIM: you shouldn't feel guilty! it wasn't your fault!
ME: Is there anything good that was brought up in you when you were in the R w/her? something you'd like to see in us? HIM: No, the more time passes the more I realize how much she used me. I don't remember anything good, I want to forget all about it.
ME: I always thought you were having a great time 24/7 with no kids and no restrictions. HIM: It wasnt all that, I would've given all that up just so I wouldn've have had that (A) happen. I couldnt' enjoy everything, I did feel guilt. I think so much about how it didnt' have to happen. (I'm still trying to figure that one out, it wouldn't have happen if ...he would've know better, if I would'n't have done xyz?)
ME: What if the one day OP wants to be friends, would you say yes? HIM: She'll never want anything w/me and I don't want to talk to her. She told me in such a way why she hated my guts, she broke it off in a bad way.
ME: I'm afraid that one day she'll be back in your life and you'd let her in, that u only came back 'cause she broke it off. HIM: I'd like to think that eventually I would've realize the mistake I was making. At some point she was getting on my nerves and I in hers. I think so much about how (the A) didn't have to happen.
ME: if at some point, as you've told me, you were deciding between me and her, why did you book that expensive trip to vegas and went on vacation w/me? where you trying to win her back? HIM: I told you, I was split between you two, I did a bunch of stupid things. Now that I think about it, it was very stupid to send her flowers after I came back. I had this group of friends (her included) whom I took advice from, I thought I could lean on them but no one cared. That's what made me decide for you, you seemed to care what happened to me. She didnt' want to deal with the issues I had.
He disclose some other details, I told him how I ask to have a clear pict or my mind goes crazy wondering, I ask not to hurt him but to put my fears at ease, to get stuff out of my head. Supposedly he did talk to her before he left on that phone, but that he was also talking to a group of friends she was part of, that he had nothing to do w/her 'til he left.
Lot of journaling today...
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
