All Hell broke loose, found out EA was PA

[cat03]

Well, only one blowup this weekend, and I see where I did wrong, took it too far, in the end we did make up, need to stop bring up the fact that his feelings aren't the same as before.

Reading part of "after the affair" made me feel better about how the LBS think that the sex w/OP was far better/wilder/amazing than w/us, said how it can be ackward and infrequent, how the WAS feels the pressure to perform and that eventually the R looses its edge.

I read that at the book store, H asked me waht I was reading late at night, told him about it, hoping he'd at least say something positive about his SL w/me... he said nothing. That irk me a bit, and sort of brought it up last night over the phone, how the LBS think they can't measure up to what might' ve been amazing sex with the OP, and he said "so what if it was, why do you have to start thinking of the past" and I asked him "can't you even give me any reasurance on that account?" and he just groaned and say he just can't talk about such things, why do I have to be so graphic. He never openly talks about sex, I bring it up, looking back, he never was one to talk about it as much as he enjoyed it, was always too shy.

So maybe I'm forcing an issue I shouldn't. I won't bring it up anymore unless he does. Ok, so she was taller and chubbier than me, maybe he did things he can't do w/me, nothing much I can do I guess. I keep forgetting he still isnt' ready to give me any reasurances of ANY kind yet, *SIGH* just wished he would've say something positive about our SL.

THen again, Im whining, putting my nose on 3inches of water and drowning. Must think of the good parts of our R and work hard at remembering what' I've learned on C. Over all, the poison of the A is pretty much out of my body, I feel like I'm in this protective case, and I see the A slime around me, but it isnt' touching me anymore.

Thank God for giving me this detachment. I'll get the book "after the affair" anyways, just so I don't fret about anything else.

I'm good when he is around, after he left for the academy again I felt like a child whose mother left him alone at the mall, what a crybaby! thank heavens for work, it distracts me good.