Don't be too hard on yourself, it can be really difficult to work through all the feelings one has towards the OP. I remember the first time I went through this about 10 years ago and it was a complete nightmare (wish I would have DBed and had a great support network like this!). Fortunately this time has been much easier.
But regardless, it still takes time and emotions can be intense. Have you read the book "Not 'Only Friends'"? I've found it extremely helpful. It's really helped give me a healther perspective on the whole affair thing.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
