I'm sorry you're having to go through this horrible roller coaster ride lately. I wish I had some great advice to give you but all I can say is that somehow you're going to have to break yourself out of the cycle of obsessing over the details of your H and the ow.
I would suggest a project that requires physical and mental exertion. That is why I am repainting my bathroom--not that it's that challenging mentally or physically but it is helping to distract me a bit.
