All Hell broke loose, found out EA was PA

[cat03]

Mike, I have lost my mind these past days, I have had mini anxiety attacks, one day is great the other one sucks, today is a much better day, I'm trying to digest all the info in a way that when I recall it again it doesn't sicken me anymore.

Thanks for your words, I guess it's the little things that also make one feel special. On a sane (I guess) instant I had yesterday, when I wasn't dwelling on the past, I texted my H a bit of the lyrics of this song (the blue text) , it's so sweet and pretty much what I feel:

Nickelback "Far Away"
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
[ That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Could've but didn't bring up the flower thing last night over the phone, it's something that happened when he came back, I'll ask him tonight if he is ready to talk about it, I won't push not accuse. I wish I could just drop the matter, but my anxiety still won't let me be and I want to leave anything about OP behind me forever,and this is the last thorn in my side that I want to talk about with H.