Hey cat....it's OK to feel how you do. You just unearthed a lot of stuff. As long as you don't take it out on H or kids, it's OK to feel crazy, like screaming, like hell.
I have a suggestion. I have also found some horrific stuff recently, and it was so much easier to deal with since we're separated. Our lives are not together now. I'm not suggesting you separate, but can you perhaps go away for the weekend or something, just to get some space. Right now, you are with H, near the room full of letters/stuff, and just memories. At least a day trip.
Your H probably did a LOT of things while he was gone that is hurtful to you now. The hardest thing to remember is that he did it to himself, not to hurt you. Moreover, you will get over this, while H has to live with it and likely screwed himself up more.
I suggest you take a look at Pregnant and DBings thread....she has a really good take on the whole thing.....that lives were separate while gone and what he did then was his life. It's tough one to swallow, but it's something that I am beginning to realize might be the thing to think while finding forgiveness.
