Well its been a long time since I wrote on here. To be honest I have had a lot to think about. I have felt that this was over and I was moving on. Now I think I need to get back into the DBing hardcore. I have had a lot of contact with my W over the Halloween holiday and the last couple days because of my youngest's B-day. My W has a stalker and it is scaring her and really pissing me off. The guy is a tride and true nut. I wish it changed our sitch but it hasn't. I am scared of what this guy knows. he seems to have a knack for getting info off the net. he knows where she works and her cell number so I can only assume he knows where she lives. Talk about a helpless feeling. She still won't let me back into the appt.
Well Halloween was a good time and I dressed up and went downtown after we went around the neighborhood with the boys. This got her interested. I kept it mysterious. I had fun as well. She had the boys.
Monday was my boys fourth birthday and she took it off to be with him. She called me around 8 am say she was coming to get him and then asked me if I wanted to go with her to a museum in a city an hour away. i said sure. When we got there the kids museum was closed so we decided to go to a big mall and see what was there. My boy was in heaven. he was so happy to be with us together. I could see his excitement the whole time. I tried to not talk about us but it came up and we got some things out but kept it light. I really think she had fun. When we got back in town I asked her what she was going to do with the boys for the rest of the day. She said she didn't know and asked me if I wanted to come along with them. i said sure and we picked up my boy from school and went to a park. On the way there we talked some more. She kept saying how I needed to get la*d and how she could hook me up. I said i agreed i did want to have sex but just with her. She said no way. I dropped it. When we got to the park she wanted to play and All of a sudden tag I was it. We spent the next hour playing and laughing and running and touching. It was like a date all over again because there was no kissing or hugging although she didn't object when i tagged her on the butt.
After the park we took the boys to a place like Chucky Cheese's and had a little b-day meal. Again she had a great time like a fun date teasing and laughing. When we got to my house she came in and again we talked and this was when it got heavy. She has been searching her soul and trying to understand the feeling she has and why she has lost that loving feeling. She told me that there was no sex drive within her whatsoever. The sexuallity had dried up and she thought it was because we didn't work and that the passion was gone. Now she has found the whole time we have been apart that she hasn't wanted it at all from anyone. Also she has started seeing a councellor because she has had a hard time with her feelings and the fact that no one understands them. The only person she has felt she could talk to is the OM who she still feels or says is a friend. I still think she is using him for the lack of communication from me. I have now told her that if she wants to talk to call me and I will call her more often just to talk about nothing.
While at my home she noticed a bit of my costume and asked about it so I put it on. She smiled and said it was great i went out but it kinda made her mad. She said that I now did the things she had always wanted me to do but it was too late. She said she felt that she couldn't get back with me because of the fear that these changes were just temporary. I said well I can say they are not and I promise you that. What you do with that is up to you. I sensed a step towards me and a doubt in her feeling that it would never work again. I can only hope it can continue this way for a while.
Tonight I took her out grocery shopping and she was tired but she was still playful and oh so hot! have I mentioned how hot my W is? WOW I can say that the restraint I have to maintain is Herculean and it eats at my soul not being able to touch her or hug her. But being there brings me such joy. Seeing her smile warms me up.
What should I do now? I don't want this to stop but I know I can't have it that way. I have to remain patient and hope she wants to keep seeing me like this. I think I need to do some re reading.
Oh hey and if you have a chance go to this site http://lovehonoranddismay.blogspot.com/ my story was posted on there abbreviated of course on the 3rd. Check it out. God Bless