Free, thanks for the vote of confidence. I have gone through the rollercoaster ride and while its is at the point where the drops aren't as extreme I'm still on. Do you ever feel like the decisions you make are like having to cut off your right hand to make sure you lose your left? I know I am a better man. I know that the swift waters of life carry me on. I know that the love I have for my wife saddens me every day we are apart. I know that I have the right to be angry, bitter, hurt. I know that I have nothing but sadness and hope and love. I have read a bit of your sitch and I can say that there is something to be said about perserverance. A good realization about relationships that I have had is the fact that it takes two to be right and two to be wrong, but the scales don't ever balance. I feel that the arm on your scale has a lot of swing. I think mine does too. I can say that my sitch is going my way and there are things to be said about positive thinking. I bet if you said to yourself my path is clear, my life is going on, my eyes will open tomorrow and it will be a good day, things would look up. Of course I could be 100% wrong. But don't tell me that because I am going to believe myself tomorrow. and the next day and week and month and year and on. I am going to pay the bills for my W even though I know she has more money than she lets on. The other day she called me about a message I left on her phone. When it was time to say goodbye I said have a good day. She stuttered and said it back to me. then silence. So I said goodbye. She called me later that day. She asked me about my younger boy and if he had complained of a stomach ache. I said yes when he didnt want to do something like finish reading a book. She really laughed. She then said I HAD to pay rent. I told her that he had agreed to half and I payed it all last month. She said she couldn't pay it. I told her I would. I then said have a nice night. She said you too. I haven't told a soul that I know here about my paying for the rent. They think I am a fool for letting her do this to me. I think she is the fool for not wanting me. I have felt it is the right thing to do whether it feel dumb or not. Why riun my life to teach a lesson. I know she will learn it eventualy. I have a feeling that this will go on as long as i let it though and having the control suits me fine. The romantic month ot February will be the time when I file. Or we shall see. There is a lot of time between now and then. God Bless and be champions.
