Thanks so much for the advice. I haven't gone to her for anything but she came to me tonight. My W called while I was at work about the boys and the trouble they were in. Then she talked about the stress she was under about how broke she is and how hard her job is. I was caring but distant about the money and job stuff. I didn't offer and help or advice except good luck at work. She then said she had a call. I closed up the store and half way home she called again. She had talked to my mother who had talked to her friend who had called her earlier. (phew) She waanted to let me know that my mother feelings about my W made her sad. That she was mean to my mom she thought she wasn't. I said it was a perspective thing. She then started in on how we are still getting a divorce and wanted to know about if I would fight to keep her from her kids. I said I don't know. For some reason she heard hell yes. So I had to explain that I would have to sek councel from a lawyer about that and really couldn't answer her. Well then she got very mad. She said it was BS that I would even think to keep the kids from her and that she would never do that. Well I had to explain again that I was not saying that. Then the conversation shifted to how she felt about us and how the love had turned off and there was no way that switch could be turned on again. I just listened. She asked me how i felt. So I told her. I told her everything about the hope I have the love I have the sorrow I have. I told her about how I see the good and bad times and understand how she feels and what she sees. I told her about my feelings about how divorce would really hurt the children. She said I dont agree. So I yelled at her "You asked me how I feel. This is how I feel. Don't invalidate that. I feel this way." She appologized and let me continue. I laid it all on the table. I told her that I loved her so much that I am letting her go because that was what made her happy and I genuinely cared that she was happy. I also said I still have faith that she would see me as her husband again. And she said she was sorry about hurting all of us and that we would hopefully get over this. Well of course we would the children will be the collateral dammage and I just hope I can help them understand what has happened to their happy home and happy parents who laughed and hugged and kissed and slept in the same bed. She had said that all her life she was never herself because that wasn't what other expected of her and now she is going to be herself. I said she hasn't changed into someone else she is still the girl I loved with all the qualities I adored. She thanked me for telling her what I saw. What I don't understand is how she could feel that being with me and her family made her not herself. And why she feels that if she needs to change who she is that that means not being with me. I have never been one to say she needed to be the doting wife the housewife. I have thought the stay at home role she had was what we agreed on. S*it if I felt she could go out and support our family I would have stayed with the boys I'm not too proud. I'm quite humble and easy going I think. But I love me now and I am happy about who I am. I think the night I have had was a positive one. Our conversation got a lot of stuff out of the closet the tomb the lockbox whatever and into the light. God is moving me on the path that is going this way. Which way you ask? Why this way. No direction, no destination, no end, no promises, no worries because the path is there, the way is this way. God Bless us all with the path we follow.