Quote: My W has planned a trip this weekend to KC. She said that it was a trip with the girls. I have found out that is a trip with the OM. I think she is feeling very guilty about it because she has lied about the trip to everyone except her sister.
Yes, she is. Deep inside she knows what she is doing is wrong but she can't help herself because it is an addiction. To the attention, the 'newness' the changes, the 'thrill'.
She was very young when she married and had kids, and does NOT know how to deal with life, emotions and relationships. Neither do you and neither did most of us.
But now YOU can learn, and lead by example. Be the solid person who is unshaken, predictable, and not prone to rash decisions. I think that person has been missing from the relationship for a while. Time to get him back.
Here is a good article about affairs. I like your 'sparkler' analogy. The article uses 'addiction' as their analogy:
Quote: I am feeling very down but I think that this weekend will show his true colors.
They always do. Remember, a decent man would not chase a married woman - or even a 'separated' woman. He is a loser. This is all about his ego. And he is using her but she can't see it and YOU can't tell her. She has to discover this on her own.
Quote: I think I am going to take custody of my boys this weekend and cut her off until she lets me know one way or the other about our future. I am going to also take the money away. I think she needs to see what she is going to lose if she continues doing what she's doing. If nothing changes nothing changes. I feel like the end of my rope is here. Any input about this move would be appreciated.
You really don't want to do this. At least not all at once and definatly not NOW. You do want to work on the financial changes that a 'divorce' would bring so she sees and experiences what being a single mother only getting child support will bring. Wait a little first.
Not now. It will come across as if you are punishing her, and she will resent you.
Don't talk about this trip, don't try to throw anything in her face, and if you tell her to 'be safe' be sure to also let her know you do not approve or support her breaking her wedding vows, but as your childrens mother you implore her to be careful.
I know this sucks. My W did the same things except she flew 3,000 miles for her 'weekend' and I paid for it.
You MUST realize one thing. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. It is about her, and her emotional growth that was frozen at 17. She has no idea who she is other than 'mom' and 'wife in unhappy marriage'. She is truly lost. Yet as you have seen she still loves you and the family.
Don't go completely dark, but do keep yourself emotionally safe.
This is not totally over. She's on a journey she would have gone on if she was not married so young. You need to be working on yourself too. We're here for you.
Oh, ome other thing. If she calls, DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. You will only be hurt, and you will say or do something you will regret. She is leaving the family to break her vows so she needs to feel what it's like to be 'out' of the family when she does it. If she has an emergency she will leave a voice mail. It's ok if your kids answer the phone but YOU must not talk to her.
