my W dropped the kids off today and chatted with me for about fifteen minutes. Tha was the longest conversation I have had with her since our one failed therapy session. I am starting to thing that this last resort stuff might be working. Its amazing how the little things get me high these days. You must love yourself to be happy. You must be happy to love others. God loves you. God loves others through you. Happiness comes from within. and keep on keepin on!
Contacting the OM did not work for me, but contacting his wife did. It seemed very risky and somewhat wrong at the time but exposing his betrayal to her was a key step in ending the affair. In hindsight I wish I had done that immediately and then went dark.
My H's A was 6 years ago,and it does get much better but it never really goes away.It is kindof like a death.You grieve,you remember,and you take one day at a time.
benwa-if you are not in counseling now you might want to try it again.It really helped me & H.
frstart- the OW's H called me.That is how i found out.I was glad he called.I knew something was wrong for a long time.That was a turning point for my situation also.
Just wondering why you chose to use the Last Resort Technique? Have you tried other things before with no success? Sometimes I think people subconsciously choose the Last Resort because it shuts out the other person, can maybe be vengeful but masked as "strategy". I'm not saying this is you, but I've seen a few people who use it as a first resort rather than last. I think Michelle says in her book that if you use last resort be ready to end your marriage if it doesn't work. Be really sure this is the route you want to take. It sounds like your W isn't in a PA yet, so what is the rush here? I do know the pain you are in and when we are hurting we want it to end NOW! I'd also not contact the OP, as Muddle said, they know what they are doing is wrong and are doing it anyway. Another poster here mentioned that the OM in his sitch told his W he felt no guilt because God told him he was doing the right thing! Where do you go with that kind of thinking.
My reasoning for the LRT was because I was sepperated and out of the house when I started DBing. I has tried to talk about our R and it just pushed her away. I felt that my W needed to see the changes happen to me. And I needed to change. I wish I could go back to councelling with her but the therapist we went to really damaged any chance for that now. I am seeing changes in my W's attitude though so I feel it is the right thing to do. The LRT is I feel the best way to deal with my sitch. It makes you get on your own path and going the right way. Right now my path and my W's path are not the same but I feel she is seeing my path is a good one and possibly one she would want to walk with me. This morning I dropped of my boys at the house and stayed there for about a half an hour getting stuff off my computer (pictures) and she talked about all sorts of stuff with me. She complimented me on how I looked again to so I am seeing the small steps and feeling good about myself. My happiness coomes from with in now. I still love her but don't need her to be happy. I'm sure though that if we get back together that my happiness will be a hundred times better. The LRT is not about her it's about me.
My happiness coomes from with in now. I still love her but don't need her to be happy. I'm sure though that if we get back together that my happiness will be a hundred times better. The LRT is not about her it's about me.
I just got back from a trip to the zoo with my W and kids. She was very pleasant and we had fun. I felt very happy to be with her but also very sad. I really wanted to touch her and hold her and kiss her and say i love her but I held it back. I laughed with her and the kids. She talked about how broke she is. I just said oh yeah? I thought if you wanted to work with me on this marriage I have plenty of money now. i did feel that it was a big step in the right direction. I tried to act as if I was her good friend and am praying now that it showed. i am really bummed now. I want to be with her forever you know. Small things are big steps on an unknown path with an unclear end. I sure appreciate the posts and encouragement THANKS! God Bless
well today when I dropped off the boys I asked my W to go to a concert tonight. Her reply was yes but just as friends. I said fine but am sure I showed my dissapointment. Its still hard for me to understand how she just lets all of our history go and feels that someone else could be better than me. I need to find a way between now and tonight to cheer up. Has anyone had sucess with an intervention with friends and family telling their S that its better to fix a marriage than find a new one?
No, can't see that being helpful. They all think they've met their soulmate. No one else can understand! It's all bunk but they believe it. Congrats on the concert. Don't sweat the "just friends" thing (I know its discouraging). Michelle says the one thing that kills M's is a lack of time spent together as a couple. If she is willing to do things with you, then go for it. Little by little it can maybe add a dimension that might have been missing from your R. It could also serve to really piss off the OM. How would you feel if your girlfriend was going out "as friends" with the S she just dumped? Cheer up and make it a fun time for both of you. Easier said than done, I know. My W is agreeing to take ballroom dance lessons with me, how the heck does that make any sense? She hasn't even said "just as friends". I'm going for it! So, hang in there Benwa.
Thanks for the encouragement and good luck in your sitch. I read the article Michele posted about children and divorce in which it stated that when a friend tells you they are thinking about seperating you should tell them not to instead people say do whats right for you not the relationship. It said that is not what a friend should do they should try to show that the marriage is worth working on because divorce is hardly ever the way to happiness. I would love to tell her that but we all know how that goes. A friend or family member should be able to say that and at least have it heard. Thats the intervention I am talking about. One without my presence.
