My Glass is Almost Empty, BI_43 part 2

[believing_isaiah43]

Cat, MB, and Muddle, Thank you guys for stopping in and checking on me often. I appreciate you (even if your spouses don't!)

Will post more in reply tonight or tomorrow, but wanted to share with you guys H's reply to my blog post. I linked him to it and he read it and replied that night. We've not spoken about it yet, but I think that may be coming tonight. Still haven't figured out the Final Answer.

I just read it. Lots of commentary. So, what do we do about all of it? Bag it or move forward, knowing each other's strengths and weaknesses and needs. We are at a serious crossroads here, and we need to move in some direction. Either continue and keep on going to counseling and try to make this work, or end it all. You know my stance. But, I cannot continue to keep fighting if you are not willing to help me make this work. I am too tired and beaten down. You are either my partner or you are not. I need to feel like my efforts are important and that they register on your radar screen. That is my hill to die on, so to speak.

I care about you so much. I'm so sorry that my "love" feelings are not here. But, I really beileve the Lord can restore all that is lost. I so trust Him to do that. I know I have my moments about Him, but, in the end, He's really all that both of us have, right? We are without hope unless He can intervene, and I know He wants to.

I am leaving this up to you. If you want to dedicate yourself to making this work then let's do it. Otherwise, let's figure out how we can end this without devastating [D7 and S5], if that is possible. If you want to leave, and really see no hope, then I have to let you go. Not what I want, but, as I said, we have to go in some direction here and not hang here in the limbo that is killing both of us.

What is it going to be? I am me and you are you. We need [MC]'s help to find common ground. If you don't think this can happen then you need to be doing what you need to do. I will never judge you for anything you decide. I know that the affair has thrown you into a terrible state of mind, and I know some couples do not come back from something like this. But I have tried so hard to build your trust and do the things you have asked. I am tired of being beaten down and having caveats placed on all of my attepts. It is unfair. I believe I am much further along towards moving to you than you give me credit for. That hurts, since my primary goal is to make our marriage great and godly and safe for each of us.

So, what's it going to be?