My Glass is Almost Empty, BI_43 part 2

[cat03]

arggh!!! I accidentally erased my post, this can't get worse.

BI, anyone, set me straight, I lost it. Im not posting on my thred, I think H is checking it out.

I behaved like an a$$ this weekend, drilled my H about his sex life w/op, insisted he tell me about it, wanted him to tell me that I was better than her, wanted to get the dirt on it and wanted him to make me feel better about it.

Of course he got annoyed and would not tell me a thing, not even to say that he did enjoyed it with me, just told me that we are different people, that it is ackward for me to ask this questions, but will not tell me ANYthing make me feel better. Yes, I'm basically asking how I'm better than her in bed. And no, he refuses to say anything, and I know Iwas acting batty, but I get no extra attention from him, no ILS after all these months, still acts all happy go lucky and doesn't do anthing to make me feel like he wants to make it up to me in any way, no validation, no affection other than in bed, no support whatsoever if he feels I'm in pain.

He tells me he is still not 100% there, that he can't freely give me what I ask (validation, reaffirmation) and in an anger bout told me he still doesn't trust me becaseu I look into his stuff (when i found about the truth about the A). GRRRRRRRRRRRR, I told him I forgave him for waht he did, why can't he do that same, why is my offence as bad as his? he says it is a different kind of violation (his privacy) and he still feels at odds w/me about that.

I will never understand that point of view,I prob should speack to my C. I know I shouldn't have pushed so much and ask such graphic questions, but I'm loosing it since I feel I give so much and he is focusing on hisjob and doesn't think he is ready to give to me, I'm damn SICK and tired of this sh*t, yes, i'm really mad, I don't curse, but damn it, he just doesn't try. Sure one or 2 things have changed, but if I have a prob about something he feels that he if "backs down" i'll find something else to
"bother him" about, that when I ask him to understnad and take action or do something for me even though he doesn't truly agree w/it that I'm manipulating him, if he doesn't agree with it and I want him to cooperate w/me then I'm "telling him waht to do"

How in the heck am I supposed to be loving to a man who acts like I"m the one who left and did crap and who doesn't even try to make me happy. Yes, i'm whining, but I guess it is juts one of those days, I hate this, I hate it w/all my being, married to this man who doesn't love me.

And I think he knwos I read his black book, he sort of mention it,a nd I've only talked about it here, so come tomorrow I'll get a new name.