Quote: Muddle, I read your thread just now, and 45 minutes seems SO short to have a first C session with the 2 of you. Our first MC session with our DECENT therapist was about 2 hours, to 'set the scene'. I should post this to you directly, but I'm here on my thread and pressed for time!
It was short because our babysitter (W's friend) was late. Frustrating, but we managed to get a lot out on the table. It's progress - any movement in the process is good.
Congrats on an action plan! You'll really be proud of yourself when you accomplish what you set out to do together! Now, keep you eyes on your own plate and let H worry about his. Anytime you feel he's not keeping up his end of the bargain recognize that you aren't do so well on yours and you're projecting your stuff onto him. If this isn't objectively true, you'll at least keep yourself moving forward by focusing on what you can control.
I have to agree with Cat that that is a very important thing to be aware of. We know we cloud our reality with our perspective, but this recognition doesn't do us much good unless we actively look to the positive and never put a ceiling on the potential of our spouses by forcing them to live in a prison defined by their past actions. We have to see them as the see themselves at their best. Otherwise we are living out a nihilistic, empty value driven dream that only serves our egos - and not very well at that.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
