Honey, you're on the path and doing well on what we have all hoped you would do.....start to forgive and take action on the forgiveness. Easier said than done...given what you read and such.
BUT, it IS the past, and you can't always hold him to that (of course, I yammer on about this....not like I am in your shoes....FAR behind, of course, with an H that is just plain nuts).
You are taking steps. With each time you DO NOT say something, I guarantee a small part of you is healing. You need to start also seeing H in a new light...not in the "my bastard H who cheated on me.." And the less it comes up between the 2 of you, the more likely that will happen. Remember, the red paint needs to come off of you AND him.
I cannot imagine what he's going through. My H is going through the samet hing, but sadly, it may be the one thing that keeps him from trying to work things out (oh, and his raging MLC too...did I mention that!!!). Really, he's so horribly depressed, about his job, being disrespected b/c of the A, and a failed M that could have been worked on had he not run in the other direction. I think that is what is so tough too....to see the spouse try AFTER you have gone and made a wreck of your life...not that we ASKED them to have the A to change.
My H always laments...why did this happen....why did we not address this sooner. Well, I did...you were in MLC land.
Anyway...it's regret all over the place for your H. He doesn't need YOU to make him feel guilty anymore...it's not like he's in a fantastic mood, forgotten about things, didn't really say sorry and thinks it's normal. He's feeling rotten for the both of you.
Be his friend now, as much as you can. AND....really put 100% into the M right now....you WILL see effort on his part and it will make you feel good to focus on something other than th epast.
