My Glass is Almost Empty, BI_43 part 2

[believing_isaiah43]

Didja miss me? I'm just checking in to say that the MC session went well; God really worked it out that day, even playing me some good songs on the iPod shuffle on the way over as encouragement. I felt a little silly when we started, as I made the statement that I'd like to make efficient use of our time together b/c of the State of the Union and some things I wanted to say/address. Then I pulled out my Bible, 2 printouts from this Board, and a notebook and pencil. Class was in session. ha. Anyway, we came up with an Action Plan based on things I presented and 'asked' for, and MC and H agreed to them. They are written down on a list of things we're to do each week together, but the list is out in my car so I'll post it here (and on the blog) tomorrow-ish. We've not done them all, and H didn't want me to initiate them all (he said in MC), so I sort of feel like a brat in school who's going to keep quiet and then 'tattle on him' when we get to MC a week from tomorrow, if they've not been done. ugh.

Felt really good about the session and when we left there, but things (as they always do) dip after a high point. H is having emotional issues, and could really use a friend - who is not someone affected by this A, which of course excludes me, and most of the people we know. So I'm going to start praying about that for him.

And I put on a leather jacket I've not worn in a loooonnng time today. Something in the pocket. Pulled it out, it was a hotel room key from last December when I flew across the country to try to stop the A from occurring. Yeah, thanks for that, God. groan. Threw it in the trash and never mentioned it (the old me would have SO mentioned it, just to twist the knife into H. Don't forget, I'm hurt. You hurt me. Over here, look at my hurt. Poor me. Look here at this hotel key, you big POS.)

Also, went to church today without H (he could not wake up, b/c he's on a fcuking DRACULA schedule, which he promised to quit in MC and I've yet to see a change 4 days later. Deep breath). ANYWAY, I go to church and am surrounded by our old friends from his job. His boss & wife sat with me, one of the VPs and family were in the row in front of us, and I met another VP as the boss introduced me to him. H would have DIED a thousand deaths to know this, as I'm sure they were all wondering where he was, etc etc. I fought the urge, while sitting in church, to go home and twist the knife in him about it. Came home, he asked about church, I said it was fine. Nothing else.

On the way home I kept thinking, what good is it to my life and relationship to make H feel like sh!t about himself. Not much. How can I show love to him like Christ would? By being non-bitter about him staying home and not mentioning the work people to him. Trust me, I am less than impressed by his behavior since MC appt, but it's NOT MY JOB to fix him or point out every shortcoming I see. Working on that. But you know, he doesn't poke me about all of my failings either. And there are many of my own. So I'm working at being pleasant and non-judging about what I don't like. Baby steps.

Will post the Weekly Goal list shortly.