yeah, i guess i have been whining today. sorry about that. i should stop b*tching, but I'm frustrated and it sucks. and when he asks what's wrong? etc and bombards me in that way, it's not a good thing. he says it like i'm a fat PITA, as in 'what's the f-ing matter NOW?'. It does not come from a place of compassion.
We had a nice little blowout today, each of us sorely disappointed in the other's 'efforts' in our R. Will try to summarize when i'm less spent over it. Jee-sus, i want to quit some days. the pain just goes on and on and fcuking ON.
He is the poster child for detachment and GAL-ing. It's the way he's built; he doesn't 'need' me at all, and right now I need to be needed. just a little bit.
i went outside and cried and cried, feeling lost, left out, hurt, lonely. he sat right inside the window and checked his email. talk about crickets chirping.
i want a man who will hold me when i cry. even when he is the cause of my pain. hell, especially when. he used to hold me when i was sad.
not today.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
