My Glass is Almost Empty, BI_43 part 2

[believing_isaiah43]

GH, thanks a million for posting to my thread during your limited internet time. I take that as a compliment and I am thankful for all of you here. Do you think I say that enough? Well, I don't care, I'll say it again: I am SO thankful for finding this BB and the wise, compassionate, friendly, good people on it. All of us here could use more affirmation, I'll venture to say, since we're not getting enough from our WAS's, so I'll step up and do it tonight: you guys ROCK. Your spouses have lost their fcuking minds to be so blind to the wonderment that is YOU. I'd marry you all if I could! ha

Anyway, MC on Thursday was so calm. We spoke of the 2 month thing, where we are, why H feels so far away from me, lots of things. All in a respectful, thoughtful manner. our discussion was so good, I thought. Plus, we rode together to and from the appt, and usually we just meet there in separate cars and leave separately too. I made a point to thank him for us riding together, it was nice. I didn't mention the C appt at all until that night, as he was leaving the room to go downstairs and asked him what he thought. He was nonplussed, it seemed. I expected him to be more enthusiastic (well, wrong word: maybe more 'on board') about the positive-ness of the MC session. and i think he said "okay" to describe it. frustration. he's just off in the cocoon, there. <insert fuming little gremlin here, if we had one with smoke out of his ears>

I have been Miss Detached of late. I could win a bloody award. "And the winner for most detached and cheerful in the face of flat marital relations goes to..."

But the Lord has seen fit to give me SO many little God McNuggets this week. At my hospital, the VP of Patient Care told me that a friend of one of my patients this week found her to compliment me on taking "excellent" care of her friend (anaphylaxis from bee sting), and the VP told me she was going to write it up and give it to my Director for my file. Yay! You know, I know I'm a pretty decent nurse, but when people write glowing letters about our care here, they never mention me by name as they do others, so this was a first and really exciting for me. H was proud, but again, not as 'on board' with the enthusiasm as he normally would have been.

Then my blog has been receiving some comments here and there from strangers, which is nice for sure, but I went to the blog of one of my commenters, and her entire post for that day was about my blog! OMGosh, you have no idea! What a fat fat compliment. I was shocked and couldn't stop smiling for an hour, and I think it's because for the first time in a WHILE I really felt validated. And by damn, it felt wonderful. Told H that night, again lukewarm reaction. Hello?! WTF, but okay. Still winning my detached award.

Last night we watched a DVD together (we rented the 1st season of "24" and have been watching one episode at a time), sitting on the same piece of furniture (1 point) and my feet tucked under his thighs (1 point). I didn't try for any other contact, and when it was over, I go upstairs and he goes downstairs. Moi, being my award-winning self the whole time. I sent him an email that said only"Thanks for spending a little time with me tonight" and he replied "Let's do it again." Another point awarded, but trying not to read much into it.

Then yesterday, I asked him if he'd be interested in writing some things for my blog, from the 'unfaithful's point of view, and he will be, so as soon as that's done I'm going to post here and make you guys all go read what he's written, and give him lots of comments. I'll keep you informed, I'm actually pretty excited about that so I hope he can stay in touch with his authentic self thru it. we'll see.

This is life and it's weirdness in a nutshell; leaving a few things out, but am pooped and will check in again later. This was my 3rd day off - woo! - but go back tomorrow for 3 nights in a row. groan.