My Glass is Almost Empty, BI_43 part 2

[MuddleThrough]

The paradox again exists that I'm being a control freak if I need a plan? Is that pushing? but I agree we can't just sit and stare at each other (or avoid each other) and hope that some miracle will occur by Oct 4th with no real interaction.

GH has often talked about taking risks, and I think this is one of those situations where you have to choose what you are willing to risk. If you DON'T do anything, you don't risk being a control freak, but you do risk feeling like you failed in your attempts to save you M because you didn't act. However, if you DO act, you risk being seen as a control freak. My vote is for the action. Doing something, anything, is at least doing something. You know, if for no one but yourself, that you acted to move closer to your goals. Once you have made that decision and moved towards your goals, you will realize that your choice to act has opened up a new range of opportunities that are not available to you now, and I would guess will not be if continue to prevent yourself from acting on your convictions. Be a part of your own miracle, that's my vote. Are you being pushy? Maybe, but this is something you want, so you should be. As far as I'm concerned, if your H sees this as something negative, it's because he WANTS to. You know what your intentions are, and he should too, so to see your actions/traits in a negative light he has to be motivated to do so for some reason. Maybe that's something that should come out in MC.

The last time he did something similar, I defaulted to saying "You don't have to, don't worry about me" and he later told me that kind of comment drives him insane and makes him not want to do anything for me. SO. Today when he told me about the pizza, I said "Thank you for thinking of me, I appreciate it" and his tone was a little less arms-length after that. Just a little. But I'm noticing the little things I can do, and I'm happy for that one God McNugget today.

Great job - that sounds really promising. I think the cumulative effect of these changes will have a significant impact on H's opinion of you.

I tell you what guys, that whole validating thing feels so forced, or fake-sounding. I am trying, I just wish I had a better stash of tools in the relationship toolbox.

I couldn't agree with you more. In my sitch, nothing I do is right, and it makes it almost impossible to hone my tools. I wish I could, and maybe someday soon I will have the opportunity to do so with my W, but for now I'm just doing what I can to cope with the situation as it is and grow as a person at the same time. Just remember that it's the struggle that makes us stronger, not achieving the goal.