Ya'll, I have laid here with my eyes shut trying to will my brain to shut off so I could sleep. But alas. I have to wake up shortly for work. ugh. this night will be extra hard from 3-5 a.m.
Anyway, my head is pounding a bit and I'm going to reply better later on (hopefully from work, if it's a calm night). Just so grateful for you guys stopping on my curb when you're in the midst of your lives as well. Can't thank you enough.
Muddle, when I am less sleep deprived, I'm going to print out your post on my thread about specific plans, and bring it to MC tomorrow to start an action plan/routines for the next 2 months. The paradox again exists that I'm being a control freak if I need a plan? Is that pushing? but I agree we can't just sit and stare at each other (or avoid each other) and hope that some miracle will occur by Oct 4th with no real interaction.
Your insights on my motivations in the way I communicate to my H (and why) continue to astound me, and I will really want to sit with that and chew on it personally and figure out what I need to do to both let GO and still be in the picture, and have the right thoughts/self-talk behind each interaction. Gosh, you're just so helpful Muddle. I appreciate you.
Jac, a big hug to you as well for your insight and encouragement. (and you're reading my blog, that gives me some selfish comfort! I've gotten some anon. comments on it so I'm hoping it's reaching somebody somewhere). It's easier for me to post than email at this juncture, but clog my thread, girl. I'm all ears! (eyes?)
H called just now from pizza place with kids, and said they'll be bringing me home some for dinner before work. The last time he did something similar, I defaulted to saying "You don't have to, don't worry about me" and he later told me that kind of comment drives him insane and makes him not want to do anything for me. SO. Today when he told me about the pizza, I said "Thank you for thinking of me, I appreciate it" and his tone was a little less arms-length after that. Just a little. But I'm noticing the little things I can do, and I'm happy for that one God McNugget today.
I tell you what guys, that whole validating thing feels so forced, or fake-sounding. I am trying, I just wish I had a better stash of tools in the relationship toolbox.
More later, if I'm able, or at least by tomorrow. Virtual hugs to my posting (and lurking) friends, you make my days bearable, you really do.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
