Oh cat - I'm so sorry. I know the pain you are in and how badly it hurts when our S do things like that.
The only thing I can tell you from my experience is that I was always so furious because I thought that my W had done something like that to spite me. The reality is that they don't even think like that. They really are off in lala land and aren't thinking at all about the pain they are leaving in their wake.
I know that doesn't help much, but it is something.
