One of the things to keep in mind, since you and I are/were the LDs of the R.... developing this female side of you is often nothing one would ever get excited about because all it would do is bring on, in more force, the same type of behavior from your H that you have been avoiding.
When I was in my M... it wasn't like I didn't like wearing pretty bras/panties, etc., etc... but... I often avoided it because all it brought on was even MORE groping, snide remarks, fights, etc. So for me... I never felt... SAFE. I did not feel encouraged, I did not feel nurtured... all it did was create more problems for me, which probably went a long way in cementing even further my misguided notions.
But that was my own fault because I had let the M get to such a state through magnified anger, resentment, piss-poor boundaries, etc., etc. So... I can't place all blame on not feeling safe.
OTOH... part of BEING a woman is LOSING the anger, resentment, and learning how to establish appropriate boundaries, for the more confident and at-ease you become in your own skin... the more...hmmmm... 'relaxed?' your man becomes? HE begins to trust you more... that you AREN'T going to wig out if he grabs you in a way you don't like... because YOU have control over that if you understand your womanly center.... you... uh... correct? him in a way that is playful and non-threatening (and when I say 'correct,' I mean you state your preference on how you WOULD like to be touched that feels good to both of you)... but if you don't want to be touched right now, you let him know... gentley, and give him some clue on when you WOULD be ready to be touched.
The notion of RESPECT can guide you. Respect would never say, "get the fck off me." Respect would never give a loud, audible sigh, an eye roll, a body shrug, a move away, a slam of the meat you are dethawing on the counter... RESPECT, first and foremost, guides you gently, but firmly, to say what you need to say in that moment, without it feeling like a slap in the face to him. Make any sense?
