Not wanting to hijack Corri's thread, I decided to start this post. No one taught me how to appreciate a good stilleto (much less how to walk in them). No one gave me instruction on doing my hair/makeup. I still wear the standard jeans/t-shirt, hair in a ponytail, no makeup uniform of the fashion uninformed. This explains my long standing interest in drag queens. Not as fetishism, but in a how do those men end up looking more womanly than I do manner. I know this sounds like a doom and gloom kind of post, but it's not. If no one taught me those things, no one got the chance to get it wrong. I can take my adult sensibility and make it into anything I want. Anybody know where to start?
What do you think constitutes feminity? How would you (or have your W) achieve feminine attributes? Feel free to comment or critique.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
But the very basic, fundamental secret to it all, I think, is acceptance and attitude. Embracing what you are (female) and reveling in it, rather than being angry about what you are not and resenting yourself for it.
Sounds simple. You could say... But I AM glad to be a female!! But I can tell from your post, you may be where I have been, and it is so subtle it's hard to detect.
I hear you on the default-Mom-uniform thing. Part of the problem is that you are a Mom and your profession demands a uniform that is comfortable and easy care. I have the same problem because my current lifestyle could be described as "3/4 time bookdealer and 3/4 time housewife". Stiletto heels are not made for "doing the laundry" or "hauling boxes full of books". But that said, there are ways to upgrade your look without dressing inappropriately. For instance, I recently spent the big bucks and got the best haircut of my life which is almost effortless to maintain and I've switched over to linen-like capris as my pant of choice rather than jeans or shorts.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I second Corri's suggestion. I also reccommend a shopping trip with a girlfriend who has a sense of style. Just try on a bunch of clothes - even stuff that isn't "you", maybe especially stuff that isn't "you." Remember, most women have many women inside of them - the Mom, the vixen, the school ingenue, etc...
There was in interesting discussion on National Public Radio this Tuesday entitled “Does Age Quash Our Spirit of Adventure?” (see the website here for a replay). Apparently radio stations know people are open to new musical genres until around age 20, then begin to close their “blinders” to new types of music and artists from that point forward. To get the most listeners to a type or style of song, they check the period when an artist peaked musically. Those people aged 20 at that time are the ones who will be listening to the station playing those songs. As that demographic age group grows older, they still listen to the same music.
The same phenomenon of being open minded up to a certain age, then becoming closed minded to other options also seem to apply to other things like trying new foods (the show used sushi in the Midwest as an example). This seems to be the very same type of thing many of us go through as we are confronted with demands for change from our partner as the relationship ages. The personal growth we are all working one may have a lot to do with this – reversing the narrowing of our blinders that were once more open in our youth.
May I express a thought? I think that there are many men, myself included, who do not find that a woman who is dressed "down" in any way unattractive. Personally, I find jeans, a t-shirt, no make-up, no jewelry, no high heels, etc, to be a very attractive combination. It tells me alot about that woman as a person, not as a vehicle for the conventional social attributes of femininity. Don't spend time on your hair-spend time reading a good book. And then tell me about it. I'm far more interested in what goes on in your mind than your hairstyle. Don't spend time manicuring your nails-make a painting; those ideas you express are far more enticing than a set of highly polished (and therefore fragile and necessarily idle) nails. I can promise you, at least from this male's position, it is NOT your clothing, or your makeup, or any of those things you have to go out and buy that make you a woman. What makes you a woman is that part of you, the sexiest part of a woman's body-the part that lies between her ears. Just one man's opinion...
Jackson101 May I express a thought? I think that there are many men, myself included, who do not find that a woman who is dressed "down" in any way unattractive. Personally, I find jeans, a t-shirt, no make-up, no jewelry, no high heels, etc, to be a very attractive combination. Jackson, I am somewhat like this too.
For example, Long fingernails makes me wonder about the persons insecurities. I had a couple of dates with a ranch gal, good hands, warm heart, no fancy nails. But that was only case. I am open minded enough to know different strokes for different strokes.
I don't think that you should listen to any straight men tell you how to be feminine, they will just tell you what they like in a woman.
LOL!! Amen!!
But. Clothes do NOT make the women, so there can be a garden variety of styles, shapes, coifs, etc. It is in how a woman carries herself, her attitude, her smile, her eyes, how she speaks, how she treats people, children, animals, strangers on the street. It is in the tilt of her head, it is in her laugh, in her spirit... and if anyone asked you what it was about her... that woman, that made HER different from the girls... you'd be hard pressed to pin point it... but... you'd darn tootin' know it when you saw it.
Good topic cinema, and very good point Martelo. Of course, knowing what guys like is part of it too. You do have to be true to yourself, but if you want to attract someone, or maintain attraction in an R (especially a M), then knowing what the other side likes is important.
You are right on Corri, there is an often unidentifiable "something" about certain women that can take mild attraction and turn it up a few notches. The arch of the back or angle of the head when standing/sitting, the cast of the eyes, the way she walks, etc. One weird thing I have noticed is some women are able to emit copious quantities of caring/nurturing with just a simple pat on the back. Its almost like they are giving a part of themselves to boost the other person's spirit with every touch. Hard to explain, but for some reason I find that very feminine.
But you are 100% right, you can take a 23-year-old supermodel wearing the latest VS outfit who isn't in touch with her feminine side and put her in the same room with a 35 year old mother of 4 wearing a t-shirt and blue jeans who is 100% in touch, and although many of the men will be hooting and drooling over the supermodel, nearly all will sense the difference and feel that biological tug. I've seen it in action; BF calls it "posturing." When a woman in touch with her feminine side walks into a room, all the males start puffing out their chests (i.e. stand up straighter, start talking/joking around more loudly in their groups, etc.) The supermodels may get more wolf-whistles and "hey baby"'s, but the feminine woman will affect the men on a much deeper level. And I guarantee you that while many men may deny it, in their heart they would much rather be with a WOMAN than one who JUST looks the part.
Chrome
p.s. That Mama Gena site was pretty cool, although $5000 for a workshop seems pretty steep. I guess it is NYC though.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
