Ok, you'l need to fill me in on what "passive-aggressive" is, have heard the term but unfamiliar with what it means. All DBing seems either controlling or alternative. At this point, am finally focusing on me and what I want/need. I have been honest and told xw that I don't want her calling, can't be friends a few times but what she wants is to be friends so she continues to call. It's like she saying, that's nice to hear what you want but this is what I want so this is what I'll do. The invite on the cruise or in the house or sending her stuff is not a mixed message about wanting to be her friend but for us to be more than friends. Her actions have indicated she may be willing to go in that direction but is hesitant. If she's not why wouldn't she just stop communication? I've never been divorced before, maybe I need to read up on it more but what is the norm? Just leave each other alone or still be firends but just without the "benefits"? To me it just seems to make sense to just leave each other alone and if one gets to the point that they really miss the other and it's mutual to try things again. Is there a flaw it that logic?
I do not want to do things her way anymore and let her have both om & me and wait until things slowly die out or when she is ready to cut me out completely. She ended things abruplty by leaving us in the lurch and there are alot of unresolved "baggage" between us. I mean an e-mail after 23 years marriage, how crappy is that? What I want is either no contact or an acknowledgement to try resolving issues or trying at us. Have come to realize that it would be very difficult to get anywhere while we are thousands of miles apart so looking at the likely hood of going back.
Good input on "controlling" from both of you but still unclear on when "controlling" becomes a negative issue. It seems like a natural give and take thing in any relationship but when things go south, that card tends to get played a lot more. I personally think of it as a diversion played by those involved in an affair unless there are real buttheads out ther trying to tell their partner how they have to live their life/ giving orders which is not something I do. Friday after a few seems like it can really get me rattling on but thank's for the the inputs and have a good weekend.
Opti, will get to your comments when my heads not so fuzzy, like you put, deep stuff. RonJon
