The primary difference on the choices most happy/least unhappy is about perspective, like is the glass half empty or half full. Focusing on happy leads to happy outcomes and focusing on settling leads to eventual resentment and unhappiness. I don't understand why you think you can't have it all (career, kids, & spouse). Don't sell your H short until you've exhausted all your options. The "possible going separate ways" got his attention, let him know what would make you most happy, ask him the same, and go from there.

My conundrum continues, xw called again today. It's traditional eastern orthodox christmas (I was raised that way, she was not when we met) she called with the greeting in my ancestor's language (not hers) and among other things talked about each of us cooking the traditional foods today (haluski, holopchi, pirohi and kolachi). As usual, I was Mr. Nice/funny guy again and then got off the phone by pushing in on S14. Later I'm thinking "why would she want to get rid of me but keep all of my traditions & customs, etc" and "is she indoctrinating om into what used to be my, then our, ways?" Again, have an excuse being that's it's the solemn celebration of the birth of Christ, not the day to call her out on why she would call me. Don't hang out with many D'd people but this does not seem like normal behavior to want to call and be friendly. Maybe I'm making too big a deal out of it, this time last year would have loved to get any call from her and here I am now complaining about it. Will maybe look see about books on D.

Thing is, know it will happen tomorrow, the college national championship game, Ohio St vs. Florida. I'm from OH (not her) and would bet my last dollar she'll call after the game, maybe that's the time I'll grow the cohones to just say, "look, why are you calling, you D'd me and I thought I'd made it clear we can't be friends as long as om is around." Is it possible to not be friends but still leave the door open? That's what I'd want and it doesn't sound any more looney than to D someone but then want to be friends and continue doing the things you did with them.

Thing is, she has stated in the past, before and during D, that she wanted to be friends afterwards so can't ask her that one curiously. No, I've got to find another way but can't think of one right now. Any help out there? Suggestions, anybody, anybody? RonJon "Back to pondering"

RonJon