RonJon- I started a new thread in the Thinking of Leaving board. It's not a very active place over there. But, it felt like where I should be. I'll put a new link in my signature line.
I'm not sure what the difference is between the choice that would make me most happy and the one that would make me least unhappy. You say there's a difference, but I don't get it yet. What would make me most happy is to be able to pursue a freelance career in writing/public relations that would allow me to spend more time with my child(ren), AND be in a supportive M at the same time. But, if having it all (career, kids, spouse) isn't an option, then I have to choose from the options that are left. So my task is to find the option that will make me least unhappy.
As I'm typing this, I'm thinking that my attitude is not right here. All that makes logical sense to me. But I know a true optimist wouldn't put it that way. I guess I'm just unhappy at the prospect of not having it all.
As for your current conundrum...I can see what you're talking about. You sent her a letter that told her you weren't able to be her friend, but she calls up and you have a "friend's" conversation. I think a lot of us DBers paint ourselves into this corner. The reason you're stuck is because you don't want to chase her off because you still have your door open to reconciliation. So can't bring yourself to push her friendship away when she offers it. But when the conversation is over you can't decide if you're just prolonging your own agony and letting her have her cake and eat it to, or if you should continue to be friendly to keep that door open.
I think this is an age old DB question, that apparently doesn't end after the M does. And if you were hoping for an answers from me...you're probably disappointed. But how about some completely hypothetical suggestion?
What would happen if you came out and asked her, the next time she calls, in a purely curious way, "why do you call me to chat? I thought once we were divorced, that would be the end of our R, and didn't realize you wanted a friendship afterwards also?"
