Hi Opti, No problem with hijacking my thread, especially since it was my post that locked yours up. Didn't see where you started a new one yet. With my quote, I meant with your particular/current H maybe because I don't understand his none or all philosophy on child care and read it as closed ended no option of either being a stay at home mom or else give you another (non)option he knows you wouldn't take (full time only child care). But after reading your comment and mine again, the quote could apply to another H but in that case would think you would choose one that would support either part or full time job/ part or full time child care. It's the pick what makes you happier theory again, not the pick what makes you the least unhappy which really are two different things. Its good that you had a long talk with him finally, hopefully it will open the doors of communication more between the two of you. Being upfront about everything is an important part of M and is needed since the big things like careers, kids, where to live, etc don't go anywhere without it.
On my issue, concur with the seriously problematic point but can't think of any way around things. Another thing that time won't fix is that knife in my back as long as the om is in the picture. It's the classic case of greatest reward involves the greatest risk. Having all of my old "nuclear" family in the same town with an eventual prospect of xw maybe wanting to try again as the reward but having her either trying to get the boys from me or incorporate the om with them as the new unit being the risk. Don't know still, would be best if they would break up before the decision on where to move has to be made.
Earlier in this thread I'd put:
Quote: New Year's resolution will be to not be "friends" as she wants to be, to rebuff her "friendliness actions" for as long as she is with the om or at least for the 1st three months (can focus on 90 days easier than an entire year to start with). Time to have her stop thinking she has me on the rope as a back-up or that we can "all get along" or whatever she may be thinking. Believe that is the way to eventually move forward at some point in the future.
Well, she called today and that plan was shot to heck because we had a good conversation, some laughs, etc. Don't know if it's the darn DB training to "reamin upbeat, validate, etc" or whatever but I couldn't bring myself to bark at her or tell her I don't want to hear from here until om is out of the picture. Am I a chump or what! Don't know if she got my "Dear Jane" letter yet or didn't read it or is ignoring it or testing it or what. Any advice out there? I seem to have painted myself into a corner; if I continue to be friendly and she continues to see om is not good, if I tell her (again) to stop seeing om or I won't be her "friend" sounds stupid to even write it here. If I just rebuff her and not tell her why don't think that could help things but maybe she'll just "know"? Maybe if she believes we are coming back to town, it would change her way of thinking since the entire separation/D came out of the move thousands of miles away that at first she said she had the "courage" to do and now says it was a "cowardly" thing to do. Think that next time she calls for a friendly chat that I just talk to her about how could she serously consider me to be her friend when she continues to see a former friend of mine that started while we were M'd or is that too brutally honest? Need a plan... RonJon "Seriosly Problematic"
