JSD I'm living the same nightmare as you. She dropped the bomb Feb. 3, 2006, wanted "space" so I moved out early March. But at all social functions we were the perfect family, especially at school functions. Sat with me at son's football games and daughter's volleyball games. All very nice. Our friends and neighbors didn't even know we were separated; she didn't want anyone to know.
I lived at my office (I have a shower and kitchen), didn't spend anything on myself and sent home every dime. She's not working. Her commission sales job got her lots of positive strokes from guys and a TV news conference but little $$. Now she's looking for a job with great pay, great benefits and flexible hours so she can be the soccer mom, but nothing so far.
Then, October 24th she filed D and served me. Went to court Nov. 14th for temporary orders and judge (female) decided I didn't have to send home 100% of my income, only 55%. My wife was/is in shock. Judge didn't seem very sympathetic. Told my wife that my wife wanted the divorce so my wife must figure out how to pay her own bills. Since then, my wife barely communicates with me and only regarding money. Won't respond to my emails inquiring about Christmas kids' schedules. Has the kids answer if I call or has the kids call me if she has a question. Leaves the room when I come to the door to get the kids. Total hostility.
Until we went to court I was living in two worlds; the happy normal family appearance in public yet I live at the office while she and our kids maintain regular household routine in our home and Dad sends home all the $$. Strange duality.
In a way, the clear hostility she exhibits now is easier to deal with. I know where I stand and can start to move on to an independent life.
Sorry for the long post but once the cork is pulled, it all seems to come out. Your description of the happy public facade was so apt to my situation. Good luck but I don't think the road will get any easier. Your minister gave you good advice about being nice though I disagree that showing her you've changed will improve her attitude. But as a wise friend of my counseled, also remember you are an example for your kids on how to weather adversity.
