As long as you can continue being her friend without too much expectation, I think its good.
Just don't read too much into things and just accept them for how they are. When/if things change I don't think you'll be confused anymore. You'll know.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Sherm, Am remaining friendly and no high expectations. The reading into stuff or not is trickier, the DB book says to watch for small changes which I didn't do and was clueless for years but on the flip side, just need to try and not overanalyze every little thing which I'm prone to do. Think I'll always be confused until someone smacks me in the face with a 2 x 4 and yells something in plain english in my face. Think that would be almost easier than trying to think things out so much.
GB, Sometimes I've only got a few quick minutes to log in and check on some familiar threads and then have to get back to my single dad life and college work. End of day so taking time to post now. Get confused sometimes, have three threads going right now, newcomers still, surviving the big D and this one. So how about you? Reading your thread is like a coy riddle, what's the straight poop?
The RJ news? xw called to talk on Thanksgiving, not one of those "put your dad on the phone" at the end of a conversations with the boys but early enough to know they would still be asleep and wanted to talk to me alone. Suffice it to say we had a good conversation, no bombs. Again, trying not to put too much into anything but this is something she had not done for over a year and not typical xw behavior.
I've invited xw to go on a holiday cruise with the family. When she was here, had offered her the house with the boys while D19 and I went on a cruise because that's what I thought she wanted but since have realized that she would probably like the cruise better so sent her an e-mail on it. Am prepared to accept her answer whatever it is, either way I'm going on a cruise so how po'd could I be? That was Friday, it's now end of Mon and still no e-mail/answer yet, she called S14 & S16 for their weekly call earlier today but didn't ask to talk to me so not sure how to take that but probably not a good sign.
At this point ready to just take a break from everything, xw, web dates, the whole thing. Maybe will just wait for something to come to me instead. Worked when we were trying for a baby for a long time then just relaxed and had a good time and boom there was D19. RonJon "Livin' la vida loca!"
Have been reading and you are doing a good job it seems. I know that you are dying inside. You want to just jump all over her with questions, acqusations, and blame. It is very tough to be steady.
I am having the same problem. Mediation is over it is just a matter of getting the paper work done, the we will be divorced. The funny thing is that we get along better now. We actually talk about things we should have months ago. I keep asking why are we getting divorced.
Anyway- Keep it up,
JSD
Hillcountry
[color:"red"]I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."
JSD, So what do you get for an answer on why the divorce or was that a question your asking yourself, not stbxw? For me I'm not so much dying inside as dissolutioned overall. Having a marriage break up and not be with the person you've been with your whole adult life is like find out there is no Santa Claus for grown-ups. Can never get that innocence about partnerships back. Have had the opportunity to ask questions but after the D just didn't seem as important as before. Have read a lot of R books that have filled in a lot of the blanks, besides who knows if she'd be lying or not anyway at this point?
The other part is that it all seemed so natural the first time around, things just happened without thinking about them. Just need to give things time I suppose. A lot will ride on her decision about what to do for the holidays, still haven't heard back yet and think will contact tomorrow if nothing by then.
Wish I had some good advice for you JSD but I'm on the same track that have to wait and see where it leads. Hang in there is about the best I can give you for now.
Am ready to finally settle down in one place, just need to figure out where that should be since no place is really "home" anymore. Any suggestions out there?
It was rhetorical question. The reason for the divorce is that the old marriage has to end. Nobody knows the future (her words) If a new one begins great. She also, in my humble opinion, wants her own money. She wants to do with it what she wants. Right now the biggest lure is freedom. She wants to make her own choices without running by me.
Reality is freedom comes with a price and she is finding that out right now also. I am paying the mortgage, but she now has to pay all the home bills. She can't live as carefree as she once did. The real reality check will come when the house sells. She hasn't even gotten there yet. Nevertheless, I don't want a woman who stays with me for the money.
JSD
Hillcountry
[color:"red"]I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."
JSD, And here I thought I was the philosophical one.
Quote: The reason for the divorce is that the old marriage has to end.
That makes sense in that in order to have a new beginning there has to first be an ending. And from my old coach "no pain, no gain". Independence is a strong driver, for finances and decisions in my case also.
Quote: The real reality check will come when the house sells.
Another real reality check will come when she realizes her best friend is not there for her and starts the "let's be friends" stage. The path then divides to "no" and "OK" depending if you think she is playing you or not. I went with OK. Where it goes from there can't tell you becuase that the place I'm at right now. No call or e-mail about what holiday plans she prefers yet and its only about three weeks away. Her decision, I'm not pursuing, we'll see what turns up tomorrow. RonJon
Have been getting more e-mails from the xw lately and in many of them she is saying she's sorry and asking if I'm upset with her. Sometimes I feel like reaching through the monitor and shouting, of course I'm upset with you, you ran off with some worm, tore our family apart, how could I not be upset! The kicker is that she never really says what she's sorry for so it has me wondering is it something from our past or something that is going on now? Have asked but she doesn't say.
Just some things that have been going on that I'd thought I'd post. RJ
My wife and I finally had it out. I explained her new reality to her. She was not very happy. I said we could change it. She said she doesn't like the way she feels when she is around me. She said she feels anxious. I said I don't want her to feel that. I asked how I can make her more at ease. You have any advice?
Thanks,
Jeff
Hillcountry
[color:"red"]I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."
