Just got back from the beach, working on keeping the tan I got on the cruise last month. I hear what you all are saying about the xw's visit later this week and will try to implement. Can play things cool and maybe even go out one night while she's here.
On the other side of me keeps saying that I only see her twice a year now and to make the most of the four days we'll have together. In the 25 years knowing her, she is a follower, not a leader and tried the nonchalant last holiday season and last summer to to no gain. It was only when I got more assertive that progress was made, not by hanging back. DBing I thinks works best when both individuals still believe in marriage as an institution but are unhappy. Since we are D'd, think a new approach may be called for. So what I'm leaning towards is pick her up at the airport (hugs), give her space that first day with only like a glass or two of wine in the evening, coffee & talk in the morning and see where things go from there.
This will be our first time in person together not married so figure there may be some awkwardness. Understand that neither of us has any obligation towards the other and are free to do as we choose and that there should not be any expectations.
So has this playing it cool worked for anybody in the past? Moving on is a challenge and to a point I see where it can be effective but also see downsides to that approach especially since a serious lack of communication is what made things so rockey for us in the first place, not too much fighting. Know that desperation, neediness, and pursuit are all negatives and have to approach this from a position of nothing to lose anyway which is the truth. But would have to think there is also something to be said for finding a way to let her know the door is open without it being a sign of weakness. Maybe I'll just leave my B-room door open, the two rooms are just across the hallway .
Still a few more days to figure things out, again, thanks for the inputs and always ready to hear more. RonJon
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