I don't know which forum is the best. I started out in Infidelity and then moved over to Surviving. My D is in the works but not final. I received a lot of support in both places. Since I am not legally divorced, I consider myself "surviving." It's all a matter of personal choice.
I have been struggling with the whole "friend" issue myself. I have no desire to be friends with my STBXH. I get weird vibes from him that he wants us to be friends. I flat out told him 3 years ago that if our R didn't work out that I would never be his friend. At the time, I said it because I was so madly in love with him and if he chose to end our marriage, I thought I would only be able to survive by completely distancing myself from him. About 3 months after H walked, I decided I didn't want to be his friend simply because I didn't like him very much. I'm surviving just fine without him, thank you very much. H has direct contact with our children as they all have their own cell phones. I don't have to arrange visitation as they are old enough to do that themselves. H isn't interested anyway. He's taken them out for lunch maybe 4 times since he left.(Sept 05) I really don't have much to discuss with him.
My question to you is, what do you want? I don't think it's necessary to make any statements to the Xes. I think actions speak louder than words. Do you have caller ID? Can't she leave a message? What about email. A lot can be accomplished in cyberspace without you having to stroke her ego or make her feel good about herself.
the only thing I can come up with is that she thinks it would make her feel better (i.e. less guilty) about the whole thing if she thinks we're still friends? Yes, I think that can be part of it.
I don't think it's necessary to declare to her what your intentions are going to be in this area.
I wish you well. Hang in there.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
