By crying I always feel like I am focusing too much on it. I guess it is the only way to let it all out. I went the other way . . .instead of keeping the BIG stuffed dog he gave me this year for V-Day I took it ALL out to the shed. There it sits with all the spiders and earwigs. I hope the damn thing rots. I am still too angry. Why he spent like 25 bucks on that dog when he was still technically dating her . . . it makes me mad to look at it. That's where all of our memories are. Except for the couple of pictures in my daughters scrapbooks and of course the peice of glass I think I got stuck in my foot from the one picture of us that shattered but the picture is stuck to the glass so it all just stays around. Everytime I step down I think of him. . . . it's like thorn stuck in your side . . . only it's glass in the ole foot. I mean I asked God for some sign as to what he wanted me to do. Not what I had in mind . . . pain. AYE! I don't even know if that's what it was . . .but it sure seems to fit. He causes me pain . . but just like the damn glass in my foot . . I can't get him out. Know what I mean. Sounds good Amy (getting drunk). . . I had a little to drink a couple nights ago . . just so I could actually get to sleep. I finished off my Jager (there wasn't but a shot left) . . . and had some So Co . . and had a few beers. Just enough to take the edge off. . . I felt much better. Said a prayer and fell asleep without crying for once.
Anywho . . . I just feel like I've run from these feelings so long and now I can't run anymore. It's a little overwhelming.
