I am so lonely today.
I can't figure out what is wrong with me.

So terribly lonely. The regrets are all starting to fly now.
I don't remember feeling this way before.
I don't like it.
Maybe it's just a new phase of letting go . . . BUT it's not one that I like.

I do miss him . . . but not so much HIM now . . it's the way things used to be, I miss having someone with me. I don't know.
You know how people say, "Do you love him or the IDEA of him."
It's that feeling.
But I feel so damn lonely . . . and for some reason it feels like I'll feel this way forever.
Anyone go through this???

I guess it's probably because tomorrow will mark a week of no contact with him and usually between one and two weeks he'll call . . . I think I'm worried that he won't.
I'm worried that he really is done . . . so here's stupid me standing with the door open waiting to see if he comes back and he's gone for good . . and I never really got to make up my mind about loving him or not.
I'm scared of letting him make that decision for me.
What choice do I have though???