I feel like I am in hole the depth of the grand canyon . . trying to start climbing just to get up Mt. Everest base height. I am feeling terribly frustraighted today. Angry really . . . . I don't understand why he always runs away . . he could have at least called. He would have given her that much. I HATE HIM SOMEDAYS and today is one of them. I had the worst dream . . . I mean it was just awful all around. Basically one of kids died and he missed everything. About a month after the funeral he finally called asking how everything was . . and I explained that I had tried to call and I had called his mother and no one ever got in touch with me. It was awful . . . I woke up crying. I just don't understand all the feelings I am having now. It's like I know I'll be fine without him, and I did FULLY expect him to this . . . . it's the way he did it again that hurts so much.
