Just dropping by. I do agree with AmyC about your H - I don't think you are ready to see him yet because his BS continues to bother you (as it would most...).
If he wants to see the girls, then try to arrange a neutral place for him to see them without you present (and where you can be sure your girls are safe).
You are taking your sitch back - you already have. You are detaching from your H and working/focusing only on Emily and your little angels. So you are taking your sitch back.
What you cannot control is your H. Do me a favor, say the Serenity Prayer:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
You already know you cannot control your H, but you can control your sitch. You can influence your sitch and your H - but this shouldn't really be a primary goal - just a by product. I really think your H needs to miss you, he needs to want you, he needs to want to change so that Emily will take him back. But IMHO, you are not ready to see him.
Regarding the sex drive thing......As a man who during his over 13 year M was very lucky in terms of ML with my W (last several years sometimes at least once per day) plus just being a man - I know the whole strong sex drive thing. There are many here that may be in the same boat. Try not to let this "drive" you towards your H. Yes - there are other ways to take care of this for now and while it may not be as good as the real thing - anything you do with your H IS NOT GOING TO BE THE REAL THING and may only serve to mess you up mentally. A lot more men can have sex and treat it like it was "just sex". But for women, many more of them treat "just sex" as ML - it is more emotional for women. I think the Mars/Venus in the Bedroom books are good for explaining this. So at all costs - don't have sex with your H right now. IMHO - it really will just set you back and allow your H to continue to be a cake eater!
Hang in there and be strong. It is good you are praying more now - it does help doesn't it? I will continue prayers for you and for your little ones.
