No, Cemar, I never said that the man's needs must come last. What I said was, communicative sex will not happen when there IS no basis for it. If your R is a communication desert in general then it will be in the bedroom.
Cemar, remember, I am HD, very much so, and I have never (not once) ignored my husband's desire for sex EVEN when conditions didn't perfectly match my needs. However, that is because I have a deep and abiding respect and love for the man and when we have issues I have trust that they are temporary, even transient. The basis for this comes from good communication the majority of the time. I have told you before that I was LD in my prior M. However, it wasn't "who" I was (like you seem to assume about your W), it was the R, it was my lack of respect and trust for my H, it was how I felt about myself. There was no room for desire under those conditions. I'm in a better, happier R and desire is no problem now. I agree that in a perfect world both spouses would meet the other's needs unconditionally. Guess what...it doesn't work that way.
Your W has drawn a line in the sand around sex - "ok, we'll have sex but I won't locate my own desire." Why is that Cemar? Many LD women are simply protecting themselves from giving an intimate, personal, part of themselves away to someone whom they don't trust with that part of themselves. How about being a guy she can trust?
