Quote: I guess my point is, try to take your focus off the sex, focus on intimate communication, especially the listening. Grow your closeness that way, and the sex will likely follow. Mrs NOP, I think that is the message you've been saying all along too, right?
Sort of. A sexually starved marriage has more than just a lack of sex going on. I don't think that you should take all focus off the sexual issue, BUT that the focus should be on all the things/issues, current or past, that have destroyed relational intimacy. And I think couple assume they know how to communicate. Communication isn't based on the number of words being uttered.
Piss-poor behaviors have to be eliminated. Harley calls them lovebusters. So, the overtly irritating actions have to be acknowledged and dealt with.
I don't think that the sexual issues should be dropped totally while closeness is worked on. The HD spouse isn't going to be moving toward intimacy if their needs have to be ignored and I think it gives the LD spouse a false perception.
Intimacy is laying it all out of the table. You can't totally hold back how the lack of sexual intimacy is impacting you.
In order to find a solution to relational problems, BOTH spouses have to at least acknowledge that there is a problem.
