I think you completely missed my point about intimate communication. So much so, I think that perhaps your definition of intimate communication is something other than what I tried to describe. I am talking about communicating on a level where you SHARE your feelings and listen empathetically so that you actually feel what your SO is feeling. This works by having her describe the feelings she has in a particular situation, then you mirroring that description back to her using your experiences as a frame of reference, ie in your own words. She then should return with something like, well, that's not exactly what I meant, it is more like.... After going back and forth on it a few iterations you can generally get down to a shared experience that very closely approximates the feeling she is feeling. It requires you put aside the resentment and anger, it requires you open up completely and not hide behind walls you've built around your inner self, and it requires you to build a trust that your mate is not going to hurt you when you open up like that. Then when she shares her feelings, it requires you to evaluate her feelings but not judge them. No feeling is right or wrong, they just are. Knowing the feelings gives you a window into her soul, and when you both have windows open like that, it would be very hard not to be close and change yourself to be a better partner to your mate. It takes time to build to this level. I'm not there yet, but I can tell you I've seen peeks of it, and I can tell you that a) it beats sex hands down, and b) when you've gotten there it generates a closeness like nothing else, and that closeness has directly led to the best sex of my life.
No one here knows what you actually have and have not tried to do to improve your R, as you never answer us when we ask. I am quite sure you haven't given real intimate communication (per the description above) an honest try, or I am quite sure you wouldn't still be stuck in the exact same place you have been in the whole time since I first came onto the board a couple years ago. In fact, from your posts, I'd bet you haven't a clue as to what your W's issues with you might be. Have you ever really asked her how she feels about your R, and LISTENED to her response, putting yourself into her shoes? I gotta say that I doubt it. You have to stop framing her actions in your mind before you can do that, and from what you've showed us here, you haven't even tried to do that. I challenge you to pick up the How to stay married book read it, and follow the advice for at least a month. Either that, or go to a WWME weekend and put every fiber of your being into opening yourself up completely in the exercises. You can do it Cemar, but it means doing more than griping about how much your situation sucks. It is hard work.
