My counselor gave similar advice to me concerning my wife, but in the end, W did not leave or file. She still occasionally makes mention that she could have filed, wanted to file, still might file, blah, blah, blah. I now tell her to just do it and stop being a chicken [censored] about facing her guilt over filing. I do not think she wants to file or really intends to file, but she needs to rant and rave as much as she can.
Monday I had to take D13 to the orthodontist to get braces on her bottom teeth. She pitched a fit all weekend over going and when I came home during the day Monday to pick her up, she seemed to think that she had somehow convinced us not to put on the braces. Well we went anyway and all the way back all I heard was yelling, screaming, cursing, crying, etc. It occurred to me that she was acting exactly like W (though a little more extreme) and the best I should do was just let her vent so I didn’t say one word, until she started picking at her braces to pull them off. Then I laid down the law.
After more crying at home until she fell to sleep, she woke up in a fairly good mood. The next day the pain from the braces was much less that she expected (I think upper braces hurt much more). Since then she has been quite pleasant. Even W said D13 acts just like her. So my point is that if your W is like mine in any way (and my daughter) then she will go to great lengths to threaten and intimidate in order to maintain control. But in the end, what she really wants is to be nurtured, protected and loved.
For my W, I am thinking that years of rationalization about her FOO and denial of how this affects her love relationships has caused her to bury her anger and resentment deep within her. I think it is so deep that she cannot see how this affects her attitude toward me or her ability to forgive and put the past behind her. That is why I am so interested in what Corri has just learned.
