Heather: Thanks for the book recommendation...it's on the list, just don't know when I'll get to it. And yes, I see some similarities between our situations. I find myself going back and forth with yours--one minute, wanting to bop your H and tell him to get a clue, the next minute, wanting you to get out the situation. It's just so hard, especially when kids are involved.

Cobra: I actually mentioned your message to my C yesterday. His take was that W would either cut and run, or she would never trust me again because I had abandoned her (self-fulfilling prophecy). I agree with him. Facing the choices of D or living with her trusting me less than she already does, well, that's not going to work for me. I appreciate your view, but still think that there is a chance for her to "get it" without me filing, or presenting her with papers, or some other concrete step.

Corri: you said "As an example... I would encourage you to get a 30 minute message once a week." Hey, she gives me a 30 minute message several times a week. Sure, I call them "lectures," but... I appreciate the suggestion for a massage, but two things come to mind: First, cost. I don't have room in my budget for this...and I'm not willing to make room for it because of the second issue, which is, massages just make me sad. I don't know if you recall the last time I had a massage, but it was several years ago and my in-laws (W's sister) gave each of us a gift cert for a massage. I ended up going back to my car and bawling, because I hadn't been touched like that for so long. No...massages are not for me. I agree, however, that I need to put myself first from time to time.

Cally: I can make time. You're right. My day is really full, though. Up at 5, at work by 6:30, pick up daughter at 4, home by 4:30, and I am there with just the two of us (except on Thursdays and Fridays when my other kids are with me) until W comes home from work at 7pm. But my W also has no problem making time for herself. She's training for this charity walk, she has a Buddhism class one night a week.

I was looking at some community classes yesterday. Several of them appeal to me, so maybe I'll give that a try. I need to do something, that is clear.

Hairdog