Yeah, it scares me too HD. Especially because, for whatever reasons, you and I aren't ready to go. That doesn't give us much leverage. And, unfortunately, you can't fake it. At least not if your W is as intuitive as my H is stubborn.
I spent many months trying to force myself to come to terms with forcing myself to be ready to go. It gave me nothing but heartache and emotional turmoil to try to put myself in that position falsely. My heart is not ready to abandon my ideas of how my future was 'supposed' to be.
I am reading Dark Nights of the Soul by Thomas Moore. It's a great book. I am viewing my situation differently since I began reading it. If your reading list isn't too long, you might want to pick it up.
Take care.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
