So how are the day-to-day interactions between you two? Do you still try to meet her needs?
What would happen if you simply checked out of that role and started to cheerfully get a life for yourself? I think your wife is behaving like a spoiled princess who needs a wake up call, pronto. No one can give that to her besides you. Can you calmly tell her that the days of you meeting her needs and attempting to be a good spouse while she refuses to reciprocate are OVER..?
I think the fact that you are trying to be a good husband all the while running on empty is both depressing and demotivating you. Not to mention that, although I get the impression you'd never say it, it is causing massive resentment in you.
It is very hard to take all the marital goodies away without looking like you're being a jerk. In fact, in the beginning there is a definite Take That flavor to it that a spouse no *doubt* picks up on. However, it will become natural as time goes on and they will see that it isn't about being vindictive; it's about withdrawing from a toxic situation.
Then when she is ready to re-invest in the M, you can start fresh with both partners willing to give and receive.
