Hi there, -I think it is great that you lined up a sitter and got some "you" time finally.I hate that you had to run into the OW though.That can be really stressful.I think that it is good that she was confronted to the fact that you know about her.Sometimes it is helpful to let the OW know that you know about her and you won't stand for it.Hopefully she will stay away for good now!I actually had a conversation on the phone with my H's OW.It seemed to end the A,i don't think she ever planned on hearing from me.As long as things were sneaky everything was fine,once out in the open it isn't very fun anymore.Too many problems. I think it can make things worse in some cases though.When the H or W is not over the A and not trying to save the M.Then it seems to just push them farther into the other persons arms.I think your situation is alot like mine was.It worked for me. -By the way,if you move over to piecing i will look for you over there.Keep in touch.Take care,K
Dear Cat, I have been reading your posts I find them very insightful.
I was particularly caught by the following statement:
"The better the marriage, the saner and more sensible the spouse, the more alienated the romantic is likely to feel."
We had a very good marriage for over 18 years. She just seemed to get a wild hair one day and that was it. Still trying to piece it back together after 4 & 1/2 years. She dresses in an almost teenage fashion, exercises constantly, and probably is still communicating with a younger man whom she probably had an affair with.
We all moved back in together in June. She remains emotionally distant and says things like, "I'm here" and "It's not you, it's me." All, of course, just add to the confusion. There are no kisses. There are no hugs. We ML only if I initiate and she keeps her eyes closed. It's all just too bizarre.
As you can tell, I am sort of at a loss as to what to do. I feel like a fixture in her life.
We go to marraige counseling every 3 weeks. For some reason, she just continues to create little walls that halt real progress.
She is probably a histrionic and I have some obsessive traits, but none of the real trouble started until May 2001 when she met this other man at a local coffee shop.
Unfortunately, the saga continues and I am sort of at a loss as to where to turn next.
Just, fyi, there are no issues with alcohol, drugs, or money (I've had the same great job for over 20 years).
Kim, hi. One important point that i have wanted to mention and keep overlooking.--I truly feel that the marriage i have now is not ,nor will ever be the same that i had.I believe it died.One of my problems in therapy was "i didn't feel the M would ever be the same"I wanted it to be like it was with no problems.In reality though it couldn't be like it was,because it was flawed.So eventually i learned that my M is a new M.Same man that i loved only a new start.A new marriage.When i looked at it from this aspect i finally learned to accept the new and put the old past behind.After 6 yrs,i don't have the marriage i used to have.I still have my H and i have my family,and i am happy,but it is a different M.It is like divorce in a way,like a death.You grieve and then you move on.Your relationship is a new one.It can be a better one.Take care,K
Thank You, I do think looking at it like that will help. I am gonna try and keep that in mind. I do think it might be easy to because, with all the chaos with the kids, I cant remember much of anything. So if I can forget what we used to have and focus on what we do have I'll be okay.
Kim
Me34
H39
married 10 yrs
S12
D8
D6
b/g twins 2
b/g twins 1
H had PA 5/06 ended it 8/06
Good point, any M with no problems is the problem. If the stove isn't cooking then it's not on! Problems and how we resolve them make the R, in many ways. If everything seems so terrific e.g. "we've never had a fight", look out!!!
I agree.I still have problems now.They are minor and they are confronted through better communication.We learned to communicate better through the counseling.Wouldn't it be nice if we all had no problems and perfect marriages.We wouldn't be here would we.That is life though. ,K
,K