Is it unfair to take the sex back?

[kasiopeia]

Happy Birthday Kim.My son just had one sunday.I am sorry you are feeling bad though.Cat has some really good advice .I wish i could have posted sooner,just didn't have time.It is really strange,i know how you both feel about other women.The ones we think are with us ,are our enemies.Not all i know.I also felt the same when we were out and wondering if S was checking them out.After awhile it will go away and you won't think all gals are bad. .I know it isn't about looks always either because my S's A -the OW was not very attractive,she was younger,and tiny,but face not attractive.She was a big flirt and her H had A's on her.She basically threw herself at my S and he took her up on it.It is funny i never liked her from the first time i met her,i even warned my S about her when she first started working with him.I wish there was a time machine to speed things up for you both.just remember,You are not alone.K

[74Kim]

Thanks so much! We ended up having a great day. He came home with the kids and gifts and flowers and cake. Then he got a sitter so he could take me for a ride on his motorcycle. That is one of our issues. He gets to go ride and I am left at home. So he made a point to take me. which was nice. We came home the kids sang Hbday to me. Then we enjoyed the rest of the evening together, It was a really nice day....Fun! So I think today will be nice only because yesterday meant so much. I think I am in good shape today. Although I start my counseling sessions today. I am looking forward to it, but when we went to couple counseling I felt sad afterwards. Hope today is the opposite.

I wish there was a time machine to speed things up for you both

ME TOO!!

[74Kim]

What is this supposed to mean? me and H have MC tonight. I reminded him and told him "think of anything that you might want to talk about tonight." Without even thinking about it he stated"I dont have anything to talk about" He was leaving for work so I didnt discuss it with him. But it angers me. He was more than willing to go to MC. He thinks we should go, but I am wondering if he is just going through the motions, and really not feeling it.

My therapist told me I ask for too much out of him. Is that what I am doing now? Should I just be happy he is going?

Kim

[grasshopper]

There are some who say that MC is not helpful, even hurtful when only one partner wants to be there. There is also another theory that says that often spouses use going to MC as a way to justify their behavior/actions, i.e. Well, I TRIED to make this work by going to MC and it didn't work so...

In any event there are more than a few ways MC may be something other than a way to repair your marriage in the eyes of your H so I DO think it's important to just appreciate that he's going at all. Just be aware that he MAY be using the sessions to an end that is decidedly NOT in line with saving your marriage...and remember, MAYBE he's doing this, maybe not.

GH

[74Kim]

Just be aware that he MAY be using the sessions to an end that is decidedly NOT in line with saving your marriage...and remember, MAYBE he's doing this, maybe not.

I do nt believe that he his thinking this way. He has been working to hard in other ways to repair "us".
I did call him and ask why he said he had nothing to talk about. He chuckeled and said "I knew you were gonna bring this up". He said that he had been thinking about it all morning and he will have plenty to say tonight. Now I am scared. Naw, not really, just pleasantly surprised... That he thinks at all.

[kasiopeia]

Hi Kim,I have been wondering how you were doing.I am glad you are going to Counseling.I always looked forward to going,even though it was painfull at times.I wouldn't be too worried about your H's saying he had nothing to talk about.If you have a good C they can drag it out of them.My H is the absolute worst about showing feelings.He can seem very cold and uncaring,but the lady that we had really did a great job.My H really liked her,she did not pick sides.She was very fair.I think it is important to find a C like that.If C is one-sided the spouse may quit going.
-you made me laugh when you said you called him,it reminded me of myself .I am terrible when i am angry or upset i have to know now! You can imagine how crazy i was when H was having A and i couldn't get through to him.I tried to figure it out believe me.
I truly hope you had a good session today.Take care,K

[whatisis]

For a lot of guys it's very hard to talk about feelings with people they are close to, let alone some C they hardly know. Give him time. This feeling thing and then talking takes some getting used to. Get the C to ask him how his car is running , make him comfortable. Hope it all goes well for both of you.

[74Kim]

We had a really good session. My H and I do not think that our C is that great.We are gonna search for someone else. but we will continue to go to her in the meantime. I think we actually have better communication with ourselves then with her, she really doesnt do much but listen to us and tell us what we meant by it.I just get nervous doing that because I am afraid that he will change his mind about going.

I have to say that H has been great. it is me that over analyzes everything. I cant but help to have negative feelings. He also reassured me that the main reason he had the A was not anything that I did, or he didnt like. It was all the craziness in this house with all the stress and all the kids. He just wanted out. Which I figure, because I feel the same way at times. I just wouldnt have the A. Nobody could understand the demands from 4 babies. The stress that it could cause. I sound as if I am making excuses, but I am living it. He is working on ways to not let the stress build in him. And I have seen him working it out.

.I am terrible when i am angry or upset i have to know now!

I am so like that. I can not let it rest until I get an answer, then I am usually fine. But yeah you had to be going crazy in the middle of your H A. Atleast mine is out of the whole thing, and it is just a memory to him. Although he tries and to tell me that he doesnt even think of her at all. Am I stupid to believe him?

But all in all, I had not such a good day, but I feel great now. Tomorrow should be pretty good if tonight was.

Thanks for all the luv!
Kim

[74Kim]

Welp, today was a good day. Until H called me and told me he is meeting a few friends for drinks. I am left alone daily for 9 hours with 4 babies and 3 kids. Then he wants to stay out longer. I am so angry. He did ask if it was okay. I let him know it bothered me, but let him make the choice. Well, he made the wrong one. I do believe he is with the guys, but I cant stand the pressure here at home. I need him home, and he knows that. I am afraid if I take a fit everytime he does something, its gonna go back right where we were. But he is the one that had the A why does he get to go do what he pleases. He shouldnt go anywhere. I hate him so badly right now. I had such a great day.

As for me finding something for myself...When? I literally have no time. If I got a life of my own, I would feel better. But, That is not gonna happen anytime soon. Until I can find something that starts at minight, I am screwed!

Please calm me down!

[kasiopeia]

Sorry to hear that.Do you think that he might not be out long?Just needing a breather?It sounds like you really have your hands full.Perhaps,he can watch them one day so you can get away for a few hours also.Maybe a few times/wk.Do you have family close by?This could be brought up in counseling,you need to both have some away time alone and some together time,you and H away from your children.
-I know it seems very selfish of H,maybe he had a very bad day.I wouldn't give him the 3rd degree when he gets home.See what he has to say.Hopefully he won't stay out too long.,K