Is it unfair to take the sex back?

[74Kim]

I cant do this anymore. I just seem to think and talk in circles. One day I feel "okay" with things, and the next I am going crazy. I am tired of thinking, I am tired of talking, I am tired of typing. I just want to ignore what happened. I know that is not the way to handle it, but for just right now. I need to try and do that. I know it will never happen, I could never ignore what happened. I have to figure out how to feel better. I was doing that and my husband has been wonderful. We have been talking about alot and learning alot. He is remorseful, and loving and better now than even when we first married. But then we went to therapy and I felt like we took 2 steps backwards. We had such a wonderful weekend, but 1 hour with the therapist ruined that. He seems to be moving forward in a positive direction for us. He answers all my hard questions. He hides nothing from me. Even if it hurts me, he trusts me to accept him. But, I cant trust. And not that I dont trust him in having an another affair. I cant trust his word. I am just waiting for him to blow up or get mad. Or him to take advantage of me, or lie to me about something or disrespect me in any form. Then we will fall right back into the cycle we were in. It is not even the act that I cant forgive, it is all the lies and deceit around it. It is that he lost respect for me. That I know longer mattered to him. I am just so sad, I want to stop being sad. So I have to take a break from this.