Sorry you're here. As to your question about reading your partner's email, it is frowned upon. The reason this is the case is because it directs all of your attention to the affair, which is NOT the problem in the relationship, but the sole responsibility of the person in the affair.
Finding out about the affair is a traumatic event, and it continues to be so until you decide to take action on your own behalf to stop this. Snooping feeds into the pain, and it causes your moods to be based on your reactions rather than your actions. It puts you in the passenger seat in your own life. To heal, you need to be your own driver, recognizing that while the affair is ongoing the relationship you have with your partner is being taken for a ride that you have no control over.
Sure, you could read about fights your partner is having with her affair partner, and this might help you find hope that the relationship is crumbling. The fact is that for every down that you use to give you an up, there will be many ups that you will inevitably utilize to put you and keep you down.
You have no control over the outcome of your relationship (other than a destructive influence), so take this opportunity to work on what you DO have control over, and that's yourself. Force your attention elsewhere, onto productive elements in your life. The worst thing that could happen is you improve yourself and the relationship is terminated. The alternative is that you use this affair as fodder to self destruct while the relationship does as well.
My $0.02
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
