Lifer...here are the answers to your questions :-)
Would you classify yourself as a HD or LD? How about when you were shy? Way back when (oh about 10 years ago, in my late 20's) I would definitely have considered myself LD. Why? Well...because I hadn't discovered my sexuality for one thing....for the other, my M was in shambles. I was married to an alcoholic and sex was the last thing on my mind. Once I made a change in my life (got D'd because my H chose alcohol over having me in his life) my life took a change for the better. I had female friends in my life that would tell me how great last night was with a man (or would build up sex in other ways). It got my curiosity peaked. Now, I'm still a somewhat shy personality (not that anyone on here would ever know that) but I'm definitely not LD, I am a very healthy HD woman.
What motivated you to try to change and experiment? Well to be honest the curiosity about sex that my friends built up in me. It just sounded like what I was experiencing was so very much different from what they were talking about....kind of like "is this what the big deal is about?"...what a let down. I decided that either I was doing something wrong, or I wasn't doing it with the right person.....honestly, it was a mix of the two.
Was your H involved in your motivation i.e. was he part of the solution or problem? No, my H was in no wa a part of the solution, neither my XH or my current H. I made the changes while living single. I was fortunate enough to be dating a man who was very patient...and who also did introduce me to things I hadn't done before, but didn't force the issue if I resisted it. He in many ways would just barely begin to do something....and then move away from what he was doing....which built up my curiosity about it to the point that when he really decided to try something...I was up for it.
How long a time period have you been "working" on this? I made my changes long ago Lifer, but honestly (and you may not like this answer)....it took me a few years to get to the point I'm at now. The point where I will take the lead, the point where I will ask for what I want, the point where yes, I can release my inner porn star LOL. It's a journey of self-discovery....one that involves a person learning how to just let go and go with what feels good at the time. It involves learning not to be so self-concious and tied up mentally with worrying about what you look or sound like. Those things take time to overcome...they simply don't happen overnight.
All you can do Lifer is subtly encourage her and do your best to allow her to feel safe enough with you to not feel so insecure with how she looks/sounds. So many people who are not comfortable with their sexuality feel like such fumbling idiots when they try something new sexually...that it inhibits them from ever trying it again. If she tries something....validate that attempt, no matter how poor. Tell her how much you liked it, and that you were really turned on by what she did. It goes a long way. The really important thing though Lifer is not to overwhelm her. Don't try to get her to do too much stuff all at once, or too quickly. She's going to have to do these things as SHE is ready to do them...whatever they are that you wish for her to do. If there's something specific....tell her what it is, tell her how sexy you know she would be doing that and then drop it. Let her mind mull it over...you might find that eventually after she thinks about things that she'll tentatively try it. If she does, and then stops...validate her attempt.
