help me cope please!

[74Kim]

A week ago, my Dh told me he cheated on me. We have 7 children. The oldest being 12, we also have 2 sets of twins 2 years old and a set 9 mths. The stress that occurs here I can understand why he did it. But I still cant grasp as how he could have done that to me. I still love him. I do not believe in divorce. I will not let him ruin my dream of a happy life with a man that I love and a life for my children. I plan on teaching my children forgiveness. But, i feel so bad. Does this subside with time? Does trust ever regain?

[RBinBR]

Kim,

As we say, "Sorry to meet you here." The basic answers to your questions depend on your H. He will need to work to regain your trust and BE a trustworthy person. How has he changed since the A?

[JokerMan]

Has he left the OW?

[74Kim]

He has left the OW. He claims he is totally comitted to working this out. I have to say that his actions have proven him right. It is only just so new that I cant believe him just yet.this whole thing sux so bad! I am just so glad I found this site.

[ReDesigner]

Dear Kim,
Sorry to meet you here, but you're in the right place.

Since the same thing happened to me -- three times now and I discovered it, wasn't told, I know that everything's too fresh. My husband also wanted to rush to "get back to the way things were." However, when this intimate trust is broken, unfortunatley, things will never be the way they were. The good thing is that they can be a whole lot better. The trick is not to react while this is all so new. Let your emotions settled. It will take time, months, perhaps before you will feel more balanced. I wouldn't make any decisions about your future just yet. Some people suggested to me that 90 days is a reasonable length of time. Actually, that's what the courts in my province in Canada declare is the length of time before people who are separated can take any further action to divorce. They know through experience that this is often the period in which people reconcile.

Meanwhile, I can suggest a book I just read called "My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me," by Anne Brecht. It's not a tongue-in-cheek title. You can find more info on this couple's story at:
www.passionatelife.ca

I found this a good roadmap to what happens when one partner cheats. I always wanted to know what would happen. It doesn't mean this will happen in anyone else's situation, but it does show how people do fight to save their marriages and eventually grow personally to create better marriages.

Meanwhile, I suggest getting into some good aerobic exercise. Those endorphins do wonders to lift the weight you're now feeling!

Best of luck,
Trailing Spouse

[Emily28]

Hello . .

like RB said . . . SO sorry to meet you here!
Let me tell you . . . it does get easier and it will hurt less.
It's a rollercoaster though. . . so don't get too down on yourself if you have a bad day . . .
Listen to the advice here . . . it's GREAT!
They really care and they really help

Most of all keep your head up!

[74Kim]

Thank you for the book suggestion. The only thing I know that the future may hold is that this will make me stronger. Make our relationship stronger. I know that we need to rediscover "us". We completely lost that along the way. I do have his complete cooperation in this though. And I refuse to give up a dream of us and our kids. I am too determined. I will not allow him to have one major mistake to take himself out of the game. He doesn't want that anyways.
He was the one to come clean with me. I suspected, and asked him only a couple times, but one day he just came out with it.

I just wish I could get all the visuals out of my mind.

I do need to find interests for myself, such as aerobics. I do nothing but take of the kids. I don't even know what I like. I need something strenuous!

Thanks Again!