Grasshopper, why is that your name? just curious. I'm going to risk saying this and I could be dead wrong and spark anger in someone here for focusing on some of my own feelings, but I think it's worth it. I've been reading some of your old posts, including the first one, by no means all of them so I may have missed this important factor. Has your W told you if her A was physical? The reason I ask is because when I said how I couldn't look my H in the eye when I talked to him, I meant to say it was on that very topic, where I had admitted to the existence of OM, but not to the sex. I had told H about OM when it was EA, because believe me he asked me that question. I said 'no' and at the time it was true so this made him finding out the truth about what happened in the following month even worse.
When I returned home from my trip (NOT with OM as I already talked about, stayed with family in order to break away from OM mentally), we were trying to recover as best as we knew how. I wasn't sure if I should say anymore than I already had for fear of ruining his life and losing him. It happened, I could not take it back, what good was it to tell him now. Slowly I learned why that was a bad idea.
OM actually called our house to appologize to H (but really he just wanted to keep the whole horror story going, he is no more noble than I am)and asked H how H could stay with me and that H didn't know the truth. Actually, I was relieved. With or without the intrusion of OM's phone call, one of two things would have happened had I not told H everything, either I would have become so detached and distant and depressed I fear what I might have done, or I would have told him, and I'm talking a matter of days.
In any case, never mind if I felt relieved when H finally knew everything, the point I'm trying to make is that our M would have died a slow death had I not. There would have been no life left in it. I'm not suggesting that is your case, however, from reading some of you past posts, I see some of myself in your W as you have picked up on as well.
There were two distinct reasons and times for me to be unable to ML to H. The first was when he did not know the whole truth, and the second we've already discussed, my own shame for hurting the person I love the most in my world. Quite likely it goes against all her values if she's still keeping something from you and that may be what's keeping her distant. Like I said I have no idea, less of an idea than you do, but it's something to consider as potentially why you guys are kind of stuck here after 8 months. Just a thought.
